Study Finds Cat Owners to be Complete Losers

Life in the Boomer Lane


Throughout the history of the planet, most species have evolved in a predictable manner.  The ones who avoided extinction became more adept at survival, either through brute force or through domestication. Only cats and Republicans refused to adapt, and both are currently suffering the consequences.

We shall leave the Republicans to their own devices, while we turn, instead, to cats. Cats, because of their inherent aloofness and penchant for licking the bottom of bathtubs after their owners have showered, have never been as appealing as dogs to pet owners. For that reason, dog owners are mystified as to why people would want cats as pets.

Dog owners believe that cats use affection as a means of manipulation, rather than to express any real connection.  After tiring of this pseudo-affectionate activity, they happily bite their owners and move on, reminiscent of the behavior of Claire Underwood in House of…

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